


The Ghost Of You

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Happy Ending, Healing, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sex, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Protective Jace Wayland, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Rescue, Self-Sacrificing Alec Lightwood, True Love, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:42:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26600833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Alec has been taught his love for Jace is wrong, forbidden. As he gets older the guilt and shame drives him towards greater and greater acts of self-harm and self-punishment.Until one day it’s not the ghost of shame that stands before Alec but Jace himself.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 14
Kudos: 313
Collections: Hunter's Moon 500 Prompts





	The Ghost Of You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Polarnacht](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/gifts).



> Thanks so much to my beta readers: Cindy and Monochromatize.  
> Thanks so much to Kissa for the amazing story banner. 💛💛  
> Thanks so much to Regina for the great art.  
> For the 500 word prompt for the word ghost.  
> For Polarnacht; your friendship keeps me going.  
> Story warnings: Referenced self-harm, self-hatred, referenced homophobia, referenced sex, referenced unhealthy coping mecanisms. Referenced physical abuse/punishment. Religious references, words, symbols.

Alec knew he loved Jace in a way that was forbidden. He should protect and care for him. Not contaminate his light with his dark desires.

When he turned 16, hurting himself was not enough to keep the shame and self-hatred at bay. Alec made a deal with a Downworlder brothel; no vampire bites and by dawn he was to be conscious enough to be able to draw iratzes.

In the two years that passed Alec never used his safeword. He deserved this pain, his shame burning bright. No one asked why Alec was there; who didn’t want a Nephilim who never fought back, someone Downworlders could take their frustrations out on?

This evening a vampire went to visit Alec, knowing that a pack of werewolves had just left.

“Beg, crawl, bleed… I wonder if his people know what a sick fuck he is,” one of the werewolves said to his friends who laughed as they passed the vampire in the hallway.

When the vampire entered, he saw Alec on the floor, naked, bleeding, broken, flung aside like a used ragdoll.

He forced Alec up on his knees with a hard pull in his hair. Despite the pain Alec made no move to resist. The vampire considered if he should use his mouth or vent his anger first. He decided for the latter and selected a whip from the instruments on the wall and went back towards the still kneeling Nephilim.

“If you beg I might stop at twenty,” the vampire promised darkly as he brought the whip down on Alec’s back that was already covered in bloody welts, marks and bruises.

“I deserve this,” Alec mumbled again and again, in a voice filled with shame and self-hatred.

The vampire laughed cruelly as he pulled the whip back once more. “Of course, you do.”

That was how Jace found him. Jace’s eyes lit up golden in rage as he quickly killed the vampire. He knelt beside Alec, drawing iratzes to heal the worst injuries.

“Jace?” Alec asked confused, sure he was seeing a ghost. “No, no. Not you. Not here.”

“Oh, Alec. What have you done?” Jace asked devastated.

“I deserve this,” Alec said anguished. “I love you wrong. In a sick and twisted way.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Jace told him firmly. “I love you too.”

“In the right way.”

“Right way in that I want to make you mine. My parabatai, my lover. My everything.”

“What?” Alec asked shocked.

“Let me love you,” Jace begged, his eyes filled with such tenderness it made Alec’s heart burst.

How could Alec say no to that? In those words lay his salvation and his freedom; his love cleansed, purified and sanctified. Alec fell into Jace’s arms with a relieved sigh. Jace picked him up and carried him home and into his bed that night.

Jace healed him, body and soul and he loved him for the rest of their lives. Alec never left Jace’s bed nor his heart ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and a kudos (or just a kudos) if you liked the story. It would mean a lot to me. Thank you to anyone who does :)


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